I’ve been out walking, in the rain, battered by wild west winds and, for good measure, basked in a splash of sunshine. It has undoubtedly been springtime weather here in Auckland and, to be fair, most of New Zealand. During the week, I have had to dig deep to get my motivation on track. With that, I set myself some goals. One which I will share is my desire to wander down as many new streets and roads around Newmarket, Parnell, and Remuera. When freedom is granted, I might head up a few hills further afield. Each day, this will help me keep my head and body busy positively and not dwell on the what-ifs.
Named and Tamed

When, on my walk up and down a few gullies, I thought about life’s seemingly never-ending journey stumbling over boulders, as you do when walking by yourself. During the last few days, I could’ve easily stayed put in a gully and become a swamp creature like Shrek, but instead, with support, I took the option of getting my shit together and headed right up those steps into the light and sunshine. I admit to feeling quite overwhelmed and very emotional during the last few days. My overactive brain was becoming a bad imitation of a spinning top resulting in that small irrational inner self creating havoc with my emotions.
I am pleased to say that the inner demon was put to rest that day by naming it and taming it. I’m now more than aware that I need to practice self-care, manage stress, fill those long hours with things I love to do. Try to live in the moment, ask for help when I need it, connect with our loving supporters by chatting and not messaging all the time, and importantly celebrate the small steps in the Squires recovery.
Newmarket Park
Today’s gem was finding the Newmarket Park, which did see me walking up hills and down into a few gully’s, though no sign of Shrek, praying on more than one occasion that the path would lead me back to civilisation once again. Not that I was scared being by myself amongst the moving bushes. Okay, I lie. Though I am no shrinking violet, I was more than a tad apprehensive being on a track I wasn’t used to, right out of my comfort zone. All said and done, it was a good morning’s discovery, even if I did feel slightly uncomfortable and a little bit scared.
Headed down this dead end road to find a grassy patch Ayr Reserve
A Snippet of history about Newmarket Park
The land a while back had the dubious title of the most dangerous park as it had been used as a landfill from 1930s to the 1940s during which period contaminants entered the ground. At this time the park was also used as a recreational site for athletics and midget car racing. Then in the sixties it was the home of a local football club, where international games were played, whose shabby stadium unceremoniously fell down the bank. Unlike the UK way of saying goodbye (West Ham losing their beloved Boleyn) to defunct club rooms by crowd brutality whereas us New Zealanders do it in a more sedate way by leaving mother nature to do her thing, both having the same effect, demolition. I am very pleased to report after a grand makeover and spending millions the area is now a nature sanctuary enjoyed by many locals including myself.
Newmarket Park heading down Newmarket Park heading up back to suburbia
Take those moments when you can Suz and feel the love we’re all sending you and Les. The park looks beautiful and nature, warm sunshine are just what you need to take care of yourself.
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Thanks, Deb, and yes, those parks, streets and up Mt Eden walks have kept me sane during those weeks of isolation and unable to visit Les x
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Great to hear you’re getting out and about…
Hope that Les is recovering and that you are OK Suzanne. x
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Hi Nilla
Les is still in critical care as he now has no white blood count the next step is for his brother’s donated to start multiplying. That is going to take months if not a year to restore his immunity and a new life without cancer. Fingers crossed.
Hope all’s well with life in Queensland? X
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I wish we could be there to help keep the demons away from the door. I’m a ruminator and know how hard it can be to silence the mind. I have no doubt you can do this Suzanne and if your composure slips occasionally, so what. No need to be super woman. Scream, kick and cry if you must. You’ll get back up. You have before. All my love to you both xx
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Wendy, you are the best-in-law cousin dash friend a girl could wish for; thanks for your ongoing support xx
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You’ve done wonders so far so don’t beat yourself up about the few occasions on which you sink into a pit of self-pity. Why not? You have a right to feel sorry for yourself so exercise that right, feel the pain and then take your time to rise up from the bottom and continue the struggle. Your walk today was fine, and kept your readers entertained. Remember, even though we don’t know you, we are all sending good vibes across the seas to you and a little bit of that love that strangers can feel for each other.
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Thanks very much, Mari. I have a selection of people who read my blog that knows me, don’t know me or somewhere in between 🙂 We even met a couple of bloggers while over in the UK, so that was lovely. I had hoped to go to the Bloggers Bash, and it wasn’t meant to be. I wonder if someone will restart that up again. I appreciate your support as we bloggers do get to know a snippet of each other’s lives in a good way.
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I’m glad you’re out and about rather than sitting in a strange room worrying, although I’m sure you worry when you walk as well.
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Funny, that emotion – Worry – is a useless emotion and a waste of time, though we all do it some more than others. Walking is my saviour 🙂
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It’s good to hear that you eventually found your way.
I’m pleased that all is going according to plan with your husband’s treatment, but I realise how difficult it must be for you.
Continue taking care of yourself. 🙂
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Thanks, Sue. It is a long journey and weeks before he’s discharged, then a long recovery journey. There are beautiful homes and gardens that I can enjoy and a wonderful distraction, and then there are the parks I am finding. Always an upside somewhere 🙂
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I’m glad you are finding things to keep you occupied. 🙂
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Newmarket Park looks beautiful, keep accepting what nature has to offer and take care of yourself 💚 Every healing wish going out to Les.
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Thanks and grabbed those healing wishes with gratitude 🙂 Thank goodness for nature and lovely distractions while walking.
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Absolutely!
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Suzanne, I don’t know where you find the strength but you have been amazing! From the comments it seems there’s a long way to go, but you and Les can do this. The wee small hours often propel me out of bed to stop my brain taking me down dark paths,and I have no good cause, so I wholely admire your determination to beat this. Thank God for walking!
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Jo, I am not so sure where I find the strength though the reason for it is my husband is worth it a million times over. He wouldn’t hesitate to do the same for me. Though I’m sure, I would moan more than him 🙂 Thank goodness for walking, and I, in some ways, luckily for our bank balance, my distraction doesn’t include entering into some of the very enticing shops in Auckland, which won’t be open for a while yet!
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It’s easy for me to forget that some areas are still restricted or locked down, Suzanne. Just to make life even more complicated! But I’m smiling for your bank balance.
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Not a problem, Jo, I used to forget who was in lockdown etc. I have given up reading about covid as it just gets too overwhelming and depressing!
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🤗💕💕
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Hi Sue,
I’m glad to hear that Les is fighting on, but I guess he wouldn’t have gone ahead with a transplant without having the fortitude to face it head on! You are tougher than you think especially when you can’t physically be beside him & have no actual touch from anyone while in lockdown so give yourself some credit girl ❤. We lived in Auckland for some years & it’s a city I love so keep exploring…can’t say that I enjoyed the weather sometimes though ☹. But it’s pouring as I write this so… Keep those positive thoughts flowing and be kind to yourself. xxx
Sent from Mail for Windows
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Hiya Chris
I bet your beautiful garden is loving this rain. Though with the dogs running around, do you have some new paths on the lawn 😉 Yes, I had better not go and hug some stranger while out walking. I might get arrested, though to be fair, I haven’t had the urge! Take care, Chris xx
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You are doing so well through hard times Suzanne. Hogs to both of you. Lovely hidden gem you found.
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Thanks for saying so; some days a better than others. I love my walks even in the rain 🙂
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Kia kaha, Suzanne.
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Thanks very much, Rachel.
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❤
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It sounds like you have had a bit of an epiphany. Long may you hold fast to the good things in your life. x
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Some days the light bulb shines brightly. x
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May there be many of them. x
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Yes to the importance of self-care…and to hugs from friends. Sending some to you (virtually) right now.
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Thanks Donna, if we don’t look after ourselves it’s impossible to care for others. A simple thing though hard to execute.
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Nature, peace, and solitude can bring quietness to the mind and body. You’re doing great, Suzanne! When my Mark was going through cancer, there were a few people who told me – the spouse and trustee and care giver – to think about myself and to make sure I took care of myself as well. I never thought about this myself and didn’t think I needed it. But, after weeks or months of stress and worry about the present and the future, some self-care and me-time is important!
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Thanks Liesbet for lovely comment and you hit the spot with having the need to bring quietness to my mind and body. I’m really proud of how Les is handling his treatment. It’s horrendous and he has yet to experience rock bottom with no white blood cells. Which will happen within the next couple of weeks. Without a carer the transplant patient can’t go through this procedure.
I hope Mark continues to stay well. Once cancer is in your life it never truly goes away as the fear of it returning is hidden in the background.
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Exactly. And many of those fears we have had over the years. Wishing you and Les strength – mentally and physically! ❤
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