When a Haematology Specialist uses excellent within their first sentence when reviewing your status, you know that today is a winner, and I also get to use the F-word followed by a yes. Not every day since the Squires discharge has been a good one, though the Squire has been in a reasonably stable condition compared to many other stem cell transplant patients. His blood count is in no way average. Not yet, and it won’t be for a while. There are more issues to occur, and the journey isn’t over just yet. As I write this, the Squire is on Day 65; that number’s calculated from the transplant day. Day 65 was a good day and a treat day which today equates to food.
Food glorious Food
Our first date involved food; our best adventurous travel memories were based on enjoying delectable food. We love food; we love to stimulate our senses with food. Unfortunately, this has led us to need to rid ourselves of a few kilograms or more than one occasion. Will we reach a point when eating becomes less quilt ridden? Who knows? Well, for one of us, the pendulum has swung to the affirmative. There’s always a first time for everything. A monumental moment of having encouragement to indulge has occurred with his cancer specialist advising him not to lose any more weight and put some of that lost weight back on. No, I am not at all envious, okay, maybe a smidgen. I’m human; it happens. My enjoyment occurs when I get to be a dutiful wife; that also happens occasionally. Being dedicated and supplying him with some good fats and just downright tempting treats like a big fat meaty pie often occur. In between the treats is the need for supplement drinks that aren’t too foul as chocolate has been added. Now on the subject of chocolate, we have a large assortment of choccy filled treats for those moments when energy and appetite are low. Why not?
The Goldilocks Zone
After five weeks in hospital, and eventually the Squires discharge, you would think that we would be over having stress affect us. Funnily enough, the unknown seems to be testing our endurance, our patience like driving a car at night without lights. What the heck was that bump, we ask? The waiting lull. The anxiety of wondering the what-ifs. Will today be the day he reacts to his drugs, or his organs have a wobbly?. These are daily questions; most are answered by the end of the day, some linger to be repeated at 3 am. Why do our human brains think it’s okay to wake the body up at an ungodly hour and play the question game? No answer.
Then there is the bug stress, no, not the millions of ants that threaten to derail my sanity by marching along the wall heading directly towards the kitchen; it’s the unseen bugs that I may bring in with me from outside. The ones you can’t squash, wouldn’t that be wonderful to be able to decimate bugs of all kinds with one slam of a wet cloth or spray if that’s your thing. Now that I have mentioned the b-word, we will ask you the loaded question; are you vaxxed? Before we mix and mingle because if you aren’t, you can’t be in our company. We are entering a new phase of adjusting to what has happened and knowing that there is no way back to our formal selves. Life has changed for both of us. Cancer etched a pattern into our life that’s erasable; we will use that experience to move us forward. Eventually, to it not being our focus, one day, it will just be a motivator to enjoy each day and be forever thankful that Les’s brother was able to give the Squire another chance at life.
So today we both got to go for our various walks, one was together just a kilometre which for the Squire is like me completing 10kms. He’s chuffed, we both are, and best of all, we enjoyed being in the moment. Small steps.