Life at No.22, Musings

Wired Differently

Suzanne

Let’s face it, she’s not your typical person, though now she feels blessed not to be, despite growing up feeling different. I am referring to someone with ADHD, now under the general label of neurodiverse.

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition (not a behavioural disorder) caused by the slower development of the frontal lobe, specifically the prefrontal cortex. ​ This “neurodevelopmental delay” to the prefrontal cortex makes automatically controlling and filtering attention, behaviours, and emotions so much harder. – ADHD.org.nz

For better or worse, what label is used doesn’t matter, as the condition did and still does affect how she interacts with the world around her and how this has affected her life and those around her. Sometimes quite dramatically. It has undoubtedly taken her through some hell-of-a-moment journeys that have thrown her to great heights and made her crash and fall to great depths.

So, how has ADHD affected her the most?

Communication

The ability to communicate effectively and to make herself be understood. To put emotions into words. I can’t stress enough how important this skill is to learn as a child and to be taught with compassion so self-esteem is still intact. She still struggles with finding the right words, finishing sentences and keeping subjects on track so others in the conversation can follow. She understands her logic; why can’t they?

Yes, you’ve experienced it, though it’s not the same when you are wired differently. Those with ADHD are different; it is not solely due to bad parenting and the other fallacies I have read over the years. It is not a modern problem. I must emphasise the need to be assessed by a professional and not self-diagnosed. Does it pass through generations? I think so.

Impulsivity

A significant aspect of growing up was being emotionally immature, which meant adulthood was achieved much later than the commonly accepted age. It always seemed she was one step behind everyone else. In other ways, she felt freer from conventional life as she zoomed from one job and relationships to another; this was easily achieved, the job, not so much the relationships, during the seventies and eighties.

One moment, she was busy working in yet another dead-end job, and the next, a plane ticket magically appeared in her hand, and she was off. She had no plans; she lived in the moment, not a thought of the past or the future. While living in London, she still marvels at how she escaped hair-raising and downright dangerous situations. Somehow, she returned home with not too many bruises from what life threw at her during her travels. Until the next adventure just happened to come along.

The wrong side of being unable to settle the restlessness and focus is using illegal drugs to counteract these negative attributes. It wasn’t until she was introduced to a legal drug called Ritalin during the 1990s for a short period while studying. The enjoyment of a calm mind and the ability to concentrate were priceless. It slowed her brain down. Oh, how she wished it had been available to her when she had been at school because the desire to learn was high, the ability to absorb seemingly impossible. Would her life have been different if that had occurred? Most of the time, she felt it would have been.

So, next time you come across a child or an adult who doesn’t always efficiently communicate verbally and doesn’t take in what you’re teaching, please give them a chance and don’t write them off as intellectually deficient. There are many creative ways to learn, and those early years are crucial in building a more robust path to adulthood.

Of course, she is me, and I am proud of who I am. I have realised that I’m still different, a little, maybe a lot and that being different is okay.

Published by Suzanne

Travel and Life Musings from New Zealand and Beyond. . . . . . .

45 thoughts on “Wired Differently”

  1. I’m so sorry that you suffered during the early part, or perhaps most of your life. No one knows what really goes on in our minds, behind the facade, however we present it, do they?
    Thank you so much for writing this post, Suzanne.

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    1. Sue, over the years, I’ve learned strategies to make life easier, become more organised, etc. I’ve always kept my sense of humour, and in many ways, I’m very fortunate in life. Exercise is one major factor in keeping life balanced and, of course, being social. You wouldn’t believe how long this post has been in my draft folder. It is me, and so I thought I should own it. Focusing on blogging is another release similar to exercising.
      Thanks for commenting, Sue.

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  2. This is brave, Suzanne. And touches me deeply. I have often thought that there was a pause between you liking one of my posts and leaving a comment. Perhaps it was time spent thinking about what you wanted to say, and I have always appreciated your responses. So many things about the human brain that we don’t understand. Thank you for telling us about this condition.

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    1. Thanks, Jo, and I appreciate your thoughtful comments, too.
      The brain is a complex machine. When I was diagnosed, it was like a light bulb went on, and everything made sense during my life.
      As I said to Sue, I’ve been very fortunate in life so far even with stepping in pot holes along life’s winding road.
      Thank goodness I possess a sense of humour and the ability to develop resilience along the way.

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    1. Thanks, Derrick. I’ve been putting it off for a while, then decided. Why not? It’s who I am. Though I don’t dwell on it and over the years have lessened the negative aspects of it. Now, have a healthier and more positive attitude to life.

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  6. Hi Suzanne, I knew ADHD was a childhood condition, but I did not know it could affect one well into adulthood. When I googled it, I found that Adderall is a medication commonly prescribed both for children and adults. Not to get too personal, but have you tried medications since you took Ritalin? Or, are you self-managing your symptoms? Thank you for sharing this.

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    1. Hi Suzanne, the effects are very individualistic, and for me, I am certainly less impulsive bordering on more conservative (scarily boring 😁)
      No, I don’t use any drugs to lessen symptoms as I’ve learned to better myself over the years. Always room for improvement, and I still find it frustrating when my ability to concentrate is low.
      Basically, I self manage symptoms and mostly know when to have time out from the noise of life.
      Thanks for commenting and being neurodiverse with whatever label is not always a negative.

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    1. Thanks, Anabel, and I’m pleased that you do. I think it’s important to acknowledge the wide range of creative thinkers with intelligence. It’s not all negative. We even have a few politicians acknowledging their ADHD diagnosis. This, for some, may or may not be a positive thing 😁

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    1. Thanks very much, Martha. The acceptance of being just “you”. Now wouldn’t that be a lovely world to live in. I did decide to publish it with the thought that talking about different ways of thinking and being is a healthy thing to do. If that makes sense at all?

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      1. Totally makes sense to me. I imagine today my bro would be assessed as ADHD. The support he could have benefited from didn’t exist back then. He had one teacher who locked him in a closet. I wonder if his life might have turned out happier if someone had known and Ritalin had been around.

        His daughter was assessed with ADHD. She spent summer — her Ritalin breaks — with me. She was (and probably still is) a complicated person, but we did great back when she was a little girl. I had the job of catching her up with math. OK, at the risk of taking over your post… I showed her how to make a times table. She used her favorite colors and from then on it went in her pocket. I’d ask her at random, “Hey, I forgot. What’s 4 x 6?” and she’d look. I called it her friend. She got so she loved it because she could always be right. That matters when you’re 7. One day we were hiking and it fell out of her pocket. We didn’t know. I asked her, “Hey, by the way, what’s 3 x 7?” She reached in her pocket for her times table and it was gone. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, “Martha Ann! I’ve lost my friend!” We turned around and found it again. That evening we made another one so if she lost her friend again she would still have one.

        I taught a lot of kids with ADHD in college and uni. One I remember particularly came to me for help with one of his writing assignments. He said, “I’m ADHD. This is really hard for me.” I said, “That’s going with you all your life. Let’s figure out a way to make it work for you.” I had some techniques and they helped him.

        I’m “different” too, though I can’t say how. Other people pick it up right away. For some people it’s great; for others it’s actually scary. NO idea what it is or why. 🤣

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        1. Brilliant stories, Martha and I love how you developed friends for your niece. For me, it was frustrating not to retain information and the ability to listen then relay instructions. If left to my own devices I can work it out. I never get lost or not for long though to give someone clear directions, well, that’s another story 😉 Anyway, there are so many aspects to being wired differently and hopefully people realise it has nothing to do with intelligence. Addictive personalities would be another on the list for some people diagnosed with ADHD.
          Yes, I gathered you were an alternative “outofthesquare” thinker 😉

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          1. The variety of minds is – should be – inspiring. It inspired me as a teacher. I always felt, “I’m here for you, neuro-diverse weirdos. The normals don’t need anything special but YOU need a little something different.” ❤️

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  9. Such a brave post Suzanne. And a very clear explanation of the condition. My eldest granddaughter (she is 25) has recently been diagnosed as having ADHD and on medication. I have always struggled to have a proper conversation with her. She has never really engaged, and lacked focus in her life and relationships. No ambition. No real aim in life. Having read your description makes me understand more about what she may have been feeling. I hope that now she is able to lead a fulfilling life.

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    1. Well, Jude you and my Mum would have an interesting conversation, with much head nodding. Thanks for sharing that and I really believe that your daughter will find her niche in life and your relationship will hopefully become more rewarding. Believe me it is not the want of trying to have proper conversations sometimes the frustration and clog up thoughts making it difficult. I have improved over the years, though when excited while talking well then my speech races 🙂 Relaxing and pulling down barriers will create rewarding conversations. Years of negative criticism from various sources makes for a large chip on ones shoulders. It took me years to admit to that. Is that the daughter doing the marathon to raise funds? Keep trying Jude she will surprise you when you least expect it.

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      1. No, this is my Australian granddaughter who lives in Canberra. She’s always seemed too laid back, if you know what I mean. Over the years her dad has tried to get her interested in various things, but she never took much interest. Only recently has she left home and moved into a shared flat. I just found when she was over here visiting that any conversation petered out very quickly. It was as if she didn’t have any thoughts about anything.

        My marathon daughter on the other hand can talk the hind legs off a donkey 😂

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        1. I’m similar as I can also talk the hind legs off a few donkeys. I could never sit still, and over relaxing is a skill I have yet to master. Hyperactive and not so much laidback. I tend to take on too much and run out of steam or burnout, especially now 🙄
          Some people are late bloomers 🌞

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  10. Both fascinating and brave Suzanne. Fascinating because it explains this condition more clearly than I have heard done before, probably because it comes from.personal experience. And brave because not everyone would feel able to open themselves up like this. In doing so I have a feeling you’ll have helped some other people too, both those also with ADHD and family members of those with the condition.

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    1. Thanks very much, Sarah, I really appreciate your comment. I hope it has helped others understand and those who have to master new ways to deal with life. I suppose I’ve not wanted to really acknowledge it openly as it opens up some very painful years. After nearly 7 years of blogging, I decided to.

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  11. I think we all are somewhere on a spectrum. “Normal” only means that a bunch of people happen to be grouped together in a certain area. As you shared, your ADHD has served you in some areas, not so much in others, but it has made you uniquely you. As I observe how we humans are behaving these days, being wired differently isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

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    1. Yes, maybe all of us are on the spectrum, though I think that lessens the effect of having a disability. It certainly affects everyone very differently. In our generation and those before us, having a learning disability of any kind was not dealt with efficiently, kindly, or those children weren’t helped at all.
      In my opinion, we now have the issue of over diagnosing. It is certainly a crazy and hard to understand we live in now. On easy solution is there.

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  12. When were you diagnosed, Suzanne? Your journey sounds so much like my early journey, (up to retirement at least) LOL. I think I learned coping and maybe masking skills through the years. My brother was on Ritalin as a kid. My report cards had comments like, “day dreams, and not working up to her potential.” I wasn’t disruptive and I got decent grades so no one worried about me. The other problems like impulsivity I had in spades. Except for the drugs, your story reads like my unwritten autobiography. I agree with Janis that we are probably somewhere on the spectrum. No one worries too much about it if we marry someone stable, stay out of trouble and provide for ourselves.

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    1. Marsha, I was diagnosed in my thirties. It only becomes an issue when a person isn’t thriving in most aspects of their life. Or their behaviour becomes destructive to themselves or others. At 4 years old a Dr told my young parents I would land up being a child delinquent, so negative and unproductive. He was wrong, though I never took the easy route in life! How is brother getting on? I have a brother most probably similar to you being dreamy.
      One can assume to have a disability though it is best to have a professional diagnosis.
      As Ritalin is a form of speed, and how weirdly it had a calming effect on a ADHD brain fascinated me.

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      1. My brother was very destructive as a child. As an adult he gets frazzled sometimes, especially when he loses something like his glasses. But it can happen at odd moments. One thing that we learned, but I was particularly successful at was using my voice to calm him and slow him down. When he’s not frazzled, he is very calm and seems laid back. He probably expends a lot of energy seeming that way to others. He is about 6 foot now, down from 6’3″ in his prime. I doubt if he has ever weighed over 140. On the other hand, if I could get back down to that, I’d be thrilled and I’m 5’4″. So you are right, without a diagnosis, it’s hard to tell. At my age, it doesn’t really matter. He’s worked since he was a kid and people like him, though he is a bit odd. He is super loyal and if he likes you, you have a friend for life.

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        1. Sounds like you have a lovely brother to be with and you are a very supportive sister. Thanks again Marsha for your contribution as I am sure people reading this will very much appreciate your time and experience of how to deal with different situations.

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          1. I have grown to appreciate him as we have gotten older. We have been through some rough times in our relationship, but we are all that’s left in our family now. So we’d better make it work, right?

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