Family History, Musings

Visiting Great Aunty Kath

Suzanne

During the early 1980s, I lived in Auckland for some time, well on and off, depending on how life treated me.

Mum had written her usual weekly letter, this time including a request that I really should visit Aunty Kath. Being an obedient (slight exaggeration) daughter, I agreed it was time for a visit. It was sunny a week or so later; sunny days and visiting are always a good combination.

Queen Street, Auckland Central – 1979. This was one area where I needed to walk to catch buses.

That morning, I wanted to ensure it was one without a hangover. I worked out the bus schedule from where I was flatting to Aunty Kath and Uncle Rod’s house in Avondale. It wasn’t as trendy back then; the more you headed West, the seedier it became.

K’rd in Auckland Central during the 1970s and the early 1980s would’ve been much different.

Aunty Kath was a hard-working, devout Catholic. I was apprehensive about my ability to watch my language and not get too carried away sharing some of my life stories. Back then, we usually caught up in Gisborne with our family members present. So, what was I going to chat about? Played over in my mind as I quietly knocked on their front door.

Archives NZ. I love this image from about the same era as Aunty Kath, born around the early 1920s.

Some fears were dissolved when she opened the door with a cheerful grin and an enthusiastic voice, ” Hello, Suzy, good to see you. Come in”. Her smile was contagious. She was petite, but had a high-pitched voice, no doubt compensating for her height. Not before I took two steps into the hall was I reminded how fast she could talk. That woman could talk the hind legs off a donkey. I really liked her. The next thing that caught my attention was the startling wallpaper; during that second, I thanked my living stars for not having a hangover.

Next was greeting Rod. He popped in to say hello, made a general enquiry about my health, and then left Aunty Kath and me to chat over a hot cup of tea and a warm scone. He didn’t look well. Back then, mental health issues weren’t mentioned much, and certainly not over a cup of tea and a scone.

Years later, I learned that he undoubtedly had a significant depression issue due to the war, had bipolar disorder, or both. Life would’ve been tough as a couple, and my admiration for these two grew the more information I gained as the years passed.

I was to find out that Aunty was a gentle and resilient woman who had endured heartache that many couldn’t comprehend. Pre-marriage, she gave birth out of wedlock. She adopted the child, a boy, and gave him to another Christian family, then got on with her life. Life had many twists for Aunty Kath, and one was that she and Rod couldn’t have children of their own, so they adopted two.

Me and Nana—Aunty Kath and Nana could’ve been twins; they were strikingly similar. Well, I was up for any adventure back then, and some things never change.

Attending church was part of the equation when she regularly visited her three siblings in Gisborne. One of the altar boys at Sunday mass, she was to find out, was the son she gave up for adoption. She never approached him to say who she was, and their lives crossed over without him knowing.

Years later, and unfortunately, after Auntie died, that altar boy, now a grown man, made contact with her niece, my Aunty Jan, and they forged a friendship until he passed away. For one thing, there was a happy ending, and her adopted son gained information about his mother that he had never known.

I think Aunty Kath would’ve been pleased with her family members connecting. I was undoubtedly pleased to visit her and have happy memories of our get-togethers with another amazingly strong woman from my extended family.

Other posts celebrating women in our family:

A Grand Lady

An Inspiring Woman

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Published by Suzanne

I'm a lover of creativity and movement, expressed through photography, words, travel and sports. . . . . . .

31 thoughts on “Visiting Great Aunty Kath”

  1. We often don’t really think upon the life complications of our elder family members. You did a nice job of describing Aunty Kath and what happened in her life and how she dealt with difficulties.

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    1. Thanks Eilene. My visits with her profoundly affected me when I was younger. I hadn’t thought much about it until recently. When we believe we have it tough, I think of how other women before me dealt with life and the inspiring women I know now.

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  5. A heartfelt telling, Suzanne. She has my sympathy, yet she did what so many women did back then- just got on with it! I wonder what went through her mind when she looked at her son? The urge to to be part of his life must have been huge, but she did what she thought was right. A lovely woman.
    I love that photo of the ladies with the bikes too.

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    1. Thanks, Jo, and yes, that’s what women did back then. They just got on with it. Perhaps we need to be a bit more like that and with less navel gazing. I remember her as very chatty and always with a smile. It’s hard to imagine what she thought. A deep sadness mingled with relief, knowing he looked healthy and happy?

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  6. A lovely portrait of a clearly strong and resilient woman. I’m not surprised she has lingered in your memories so well. How sad that she saw the son she had to give up but wasn’t able to connect with him.

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    1. Thanks, Sarah. I’m glad I made the effort to visit her. After a life of hardship, she managed to keep on smiling. It was sad and so unnecessary to have happened. I’m pleased her son eventually got to know her via my aunt.

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    1. You’re right, Anabel, and she grew up from an early age without hers. Society, or I should say, the churches were cruel to take away a woman’s basic need to nurture and love. Thankfully, they no longer have the power they once did.

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        1. All good, Anabel. Thanks for the link. It is important that an apology was done. NZ has done the same thing regarding other issues. It acknowledges that their pain is real and the healing process can begin.

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  11. An interesting story Suzanne. I know very little about my family history and have never kept in touch with my cousins. My dad came from a large family – 4 boys and 2 girls and he was the eldest, but it wasn’t until he joined the RAF in 1939 that he found out his father was not his biological father (the father’s name was left blank on the birth certificate). His mother (working as a servant in London) was a single mother and returned to her birthplace in Yorkshire with her son. She later married an older man and went on to have five children. Of course I wasn’t told this until much, much later and never asked my dad about it. I have often wondered over the years who my grandfather was.

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    1. Incredible women in both our families. How they endured the hardship is beyond me. No benefits to help single mothers back then. Men and even many women didn’t talk about “things” like that to their children. Embarrassment? Thanks for sharing your story Jude, much appreciated.

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  12. How wonderful it is when we discover things about our families and their families. And to remember that everyone’s life journey is so very different. There are certainly plenty of strong and inspiring women out there, your Aunty Kath sounds like one of them.

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