Sunday Cruising Madness

Rose and Roger reside in a quaint crib in a small seaside town on the West Coast of New Zealand.  Not much happens on most days.  Lively conversations with a healthy dose of imagination wipe away moments of boredom when not on the bowling green. Occasionally, they have shared some bizarre conversations.  Sunday’s dialogue was no exception.

Her husband Roger exclaimed, “Time to spend some money on a decent holiday now that we’re retired.” He had been searching down a rabbit warren of holiday suggestions just because he could; he reckons they are open to all sorts of ideas. He was, then, coming across an absolute hoot of one. It was all about being a nudist.

“I’ve found our perfect holiday”, with his most serious voice in action.

“A cruise. A Pacific cruise. But not just any cruise.”

Rose visualised a balmy tropical escape with sparkling turquoise seas, and Roger’s mind went to relaxation with copious food delights. “Best of all, you won’t need any new clothes; we can make some serious savings. We may not even need to pack a bag. As this conversation continued, he kept a straight face, hard as that may be.

“Sorry?” questioned Rose.

“It’s a NUDE cruise. Get the kit off for a week’s high-seas excursion dubbed the 2025 Big Nude Boat. You’ll be all in the buff.”

Sun, sea, exotic stopovers, and not a stitch. Fine food, shows, cocktails, and no worries about what to wear.

Roger explains further it’s a new cruise out of Auckland, a shipboard bollocky.

“Why?” she asked in disbelief. “Why a nude cruise? My visualisation skills are going haywire!”

Of course, he rationalised, it’s a statement against ‘all those false teachings that clothes are better than nature’s design, the way we were born.

It would get us out of our usual routine: porridge for breakfast, dog walking, home to read the newspaper, you know, that sort of routine.

Rose wasn’t taking this idea well. It’s to be expected because they’re both lights out, curtains drawn sorts of people. They do prudish very well.

However, as Roger explained, studies find that spending more time naked can improve our body image, self-esteem, happiness, healthiness, and life satisfaction.

“You can do it in the Pacific with a drink in one hand, sunscreen in the other, and not one shred of ‘textile’ between you and the high seas; not one”.

Roger continued his quest for more information to support this theory: “History tells us there’s virtue and nobility in nudity. Lady Godiva weaponised nakedness, riding naked through the streets of Coventry to protest the oppressive taxes imposed by her husband. He knew the value of a shilling but nothing about a woman’s will,” Roger recites.

Exhaling, an amused Roger, continues with his dialogue. Rose listens with slight interest, paying half her attention to what she will cook for their tea.

“The naturists often tout US founding father Benjamin Franklin. He would frequently slip out of his dark velvet waistcoat and breeches and sit naked in front of an open window, “air bath,” he called it. He was short and corpulent, so it wouldn’t have been pretty. He was also an eccentric genius; he probably did some of his best work butt-naked.”

“Why are we even discussing taking our clothes off in front of 2500 people on a ship?” says Rose, her voice raising a notch.

Roger senses that Rose is still ambivalent.

“Well, for nudists, being naked is a way of life. They believe the human body is natural and beautiful and that clothing is a societal construct that can be restrictive, uncomfortable and unnecessary”, says Roger.

Then, the conversation took a more profound, weirder dive onto the dark side of life.

Rose added vehemently, “What about the whackos, the pervs?”.

“None of that, uh-uh. They’re naturists, nudists, purists aboard the Big Nude Boat. They’re not kinky, hedonistic adventurers. Not where we’re going”.

“Where we were going”, giggles Rose. Because she always knew this little naked escapade had been scuttled and sunk before it even slipped its moorings.

“Happy afternoon, dreams,” they say in unison.

Rose adds, “Shall we take the dog for a walk, then pop in for a coffee at Luscious Lisa’s Cafe, sort of a break from our routine?” They both snort with a wobbly belly laugh as they close their front door and head down the lane.

This story was first published on Y3 Story Chat. Thanks very much, Marsha, for publishing it on your blog and for all the input from other writers. Based on those suggestions, I have implemented changes from my original story.

Y3 Story Chat #16: “Cruising at Half Speed” by Suzanne Vickery