Cancer Sucks, Life at No.22, The Good Fight

Keeping up the Good Fight #9

Suzanne

I suppose the time would eventually arrive when the title of this series of posts is irrelevant—last week proved to be that time. The skies, as blue as blue can be, didn’t react to our news, and the world kept going as it did when we walked into the building.

What had changed was us, our small existence; everything seemed surreal as we drove to the beach to chat about what we were told. At this point, you wouldn’t be incorrect in being correct that we both should be used to receiving bad news at the Cancer Centre. Today, it rocked our socks, and tears built up and fell as the reality of it all sank in.

Les’s cancer has developed from Primary Myelofibrosis to Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML), and the prognosis is now 3 – 6 months to live. We knew, of course, that Les’s life was shortened due to his bone marrow transplant failure last year in August. However, for some reason, our black humour and joviality with a middle finger salute to cancer hadn’t prepared us for the latest bone marrow biopsy report this week.

At the end of the day, we have no choice but to embrace that bastard cancer and each other to make the most of Les’s time. I have had many offers of support, and struggle to know when to ask for support. No doubt it will all fall into place as time goes on. Friends and family have been visiting to humour us, especially a good friend from Whakatane who has been driving over to Tauranga, and my brother, who lives here, regularly spends time with Les and me. Then there are the many other people I regularly have contact with in my life who are invaluable, and I will forever be grateful for their support.

Others close to Les who declare their love for him seem less inclined to make the effort since we told them the news, their words don’t align with their actions. Yeah, life is so busy, I get it, people have differing priorities. Human nature is sometimes complicated to fathom, especially these thoughtless people and their lack of contact.

I may have mellowed and learnt from my gentle giant (Les) to still my tongue and carefully pick my battles. Time will show whether I heed those wise words, though, to be fair, his gentle reminders will reverberate in my ears for years to come when he’s gone.

What now?

Palliative care, then hospice. Next week, Les will be referred to the Palliative team so they can get to know him and us before he needs it. Les is reasonably ok this week, with more good days than bad. We know this will change very rapidly as his liver has now enlarged due to his spleen rupturing and the surgery to remove it a few months ago.

As mentioned before, life keeps moving on.

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Published by Suzanne

I'm a lover of creativity and movement, expressed through photography, words, travel and sports. . . . . . .

57 thoughts on “Keeping up the Good Fight #9”

  2. I’m sad to read this, but also inspired by your pragmatic spirit as you two face the future together. As my SIL once said in a different by also similar situation: Fuck Cancer. Best to both of you, take care of yourselves.

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  3. Oh Suzanne. My heart is full for you and Les right now. There are no words. Just know that your reader from Perth West Aus is weeping inside with this latest news. Hugs from Kate.

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  7. I hear your resolve to make this a good farewell for Les. Wishing you both bonding moments in the coming days.

    I had the privilege to be part of the household who nursed my uncle in his final days before he went to hospice and passed on in December.

    Thank goodness for the respite of long walks & music.

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  8. What to say when words don’t come easy as the song goes. Just to let you know I am always thinking of you both and sending love, strength and courage.

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    1. Thanks, Aunty Jan and we both know you are thinking of us and your support has never wavered. I come from a lineage of strong women 😉 Love from us both xxoo

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  10. Very sad to read of this latest development, Suzanne. My sympathies to you and Les, but also wishes for some laughs and quiet moments of serenity together. The EoL caregivers are probably some of the kindest people you’ll ever meet. It’s too bad about the ones who won’t show up, but maybe they are dealing with their own difficulties.

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    1. Thanks for your kind words, Eilene. I agree, people do deal with emotional situations differently though some days I don’t understand their thoughtless actions. Patience is required. Yes, those who work for hospice are an amazing group of people. Everything will align and we all just have to trust in the progress while having more belly laughs 🙂

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    1. Thanks very much, Mel. We’ve had better news though knew it was heading our way, reality bites hard sometimes. Enjoy your trip to France and I’m looking forward to reading about your long walk. Brilliant distraction for me 🙂 xx

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      1. I don’t know whether Les has a nutritionist to support him and if not, it may be helpful. My nutritionist said she cannot do anything about my cancer, but can make sure the rest of my body is in the best possible shape to live with the cancer. It is largely thanks to her I’m still here 💜 xxx

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  17. It’s taken me a while to process this news Suzanne. My first reaction was actual goosebumps and the welling of those dratted tears again and I didn’t want to say anything in case it seemed too trite. I really don’t know what is worse – having a time scale, or not knowing. I suppose this does mean you can prepare for a ‘good’ death. With the right meds, the right support, the best people around you. I don’t know how I’d feel or cope in the circumstances. And I am of no practical use whatsoever.

    My thoughts on dying relate very much to my passion for nature. Choosing plants that look good from start to end. Dying gracefully. Whilst I was thinking along these lines an email popped up in my inbox about a local exhibition called ‘The Land Will Call You’

    ‘We arrive as small happenings, brief bursts of life, emerging from and returning to the land beneath us.”

    Which seems so appropriate. To me. Perhaps also to you and Les?
    https://www.tremenheere.co.uk/exhibition/the-land-will-call-you-home/
    My love to you both, and the most gentlest of hugs (( )) to your lovely man.

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    1. Beautifully written, Jude and I’m pleased you wrote it as it resonates with me. As nature lovers, we have always had pleasurable experiences walking around the bush, growing plants and trees, and gardening. That exhibition would be an amazing experience and something I would attend.
      Being unafraid to die is a biggie and a place that Les has now reached. Over the last few years he’s been so close that he now knows it’s peaceful. It does help having a timeline as such especially when energy is low and travelling is not an option. Just being with people he loves is important to him.
      You’ll be surprised of what you’re capable of when thrown into a situation. Us women are amazingly strong 🙂 Big hugs back to you as I’m well aware of your own grieving process xxoo

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      1. I shall definitely go to the exhibition once we return from our short break. I’m glad you are both dealing with this so bravely, but it must be terribly hard for you both. I do hope friends and family step up. xx

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        1. We have good support, Jude. Just a few need to step up. It will be good when we meet up with the palliative care team next week, which will give us more of an idea of what to expect going forward. Life seems surreal most of the time, and we don’t feel quite present, if that makes sense.

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  18. I’m so sorry to hear this Suzanne. It’s one thing to know that a day like this was coming, it’s quite another to really feel it.

    As for those who seem to have distanced themselves from you both, maybe they are still trying to think what best to say, although that’s little excuse. When you don’t know what words might help, if any, it’s unfortunately easiest to say nothing, not realising that silence might hurt more than any clumsy words of comfort you might try to express.

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    1. Thanks very much, Sarah your explanation does have merit though words aren’t needed their presence is. It’s called making an effort. There are some people in life who expect everyone to run around after them and to visit. Some things in life never change 😉

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        1. Hey, Martha, there is no surer thing in life than death and taxes 😉 My brother and I were at our father’s bedside in the hospital while he was dying. How we exit is more important, hopefully with dignity, love, peace, and knowing we lived a good life, whatever that means to each of us.

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    1. Thanks, Tracy and much appreciate that you made contact as I wouldn’t be the only person who misses your wonderful writing. Yes, the Palliative care team will be wonderful, and when I received an email from Waipuna Hospice, I had a jerk reaction, wanting to reply, “You’ve got the wrong people; we don’t need that”. Weird how the mind plays tricks. Reality is we do.

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  21. Hi Sue , I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping up with you. Life is very busy with aging parents & helping them adjust to a new life in a retirement home as well as dealing with our own health issues…But your news, although not a shock, has a finality to it and now you have to learn to navigate this.
    You are a strong woman & Les is strong too & you will get through this together.
    We are thinking of you both always xxx

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comment and encouragement for us both. We’re both trying to work out who you are 😊
      Yes, it’s not what we had planned and now are making the most of just being together chatting about everything we’ve achieved and best of all spending time with family and friends xx

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  22. Oh, I’m so sorry to read this Suzanne. I have no words that can ease what’s no doubt in your heart except to cherish every day with your man (which I’m sure you’re doing). Take care and for what it’s worth, know I’m sending you and Les lots of love and big hugs. ❤️🙏

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    1. Thanks for kind words, Miriam. We are fortunate to have many happy memories to chat about and remember when the going gets tough. Keep doing what you enjoy and I bet you’re not regretting leaving suburbia behind to go exploring. We didn’t 🙂 xx

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      1. No Suzanne, we have absolutely no regrets. Leaving the traditional hamster 9 to 5 wheel was one of the best decisions we ever made. I’m so glad you and Les have all those wonderful memories to chat and reminisce about. They’re priceless. Take care. xx

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